Monday, February 27, 2006

My Monday Memories



Monday Memories: Did I ever tell you about When Anna was admitted to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit




Continued from last week.(actually, two weeks ago!)

I brought Anna early in the morning, on February 6th, to Children's Memorial Hospital. After her being very irritable all night, neither of us got any sleep. Our home health care nurse was supposed to come, but I didn't even think about that until we got to the hospital. I woke Jason up as I was leaving. I had to tell him that we were off to the hospital, that I thought there was something more going on with Anna. I think it was still dark by the time we left. Jason had to leave early that morning too, to go to a meeting for work, but he would bring Mary with him. I don't think either of us thought this would be anything more than an ER visit, maybe an over night thing.

Since Anna still had a few days left for her IV antibiotics I had started her dose that was due at this time right before we left, figuring we would arrive just as it was done infusing. We arrived at Children's in the ER, and got a bed right away. They flushed her line, and cleaned the area since that was what our nurse was going to do when she came. We saw some doctors, but didn't' get a room until Anna's doctors came in to tell us that they thought her cholangitis was recurring, and she was to be admitted to start some stronger meds. Dr. Emerick described this as we needed a bigger hose to fight the fire.

I didn't call Jason until we got a bed on the liver floor. I was very upset at this point. I had noticed that Anna's breathing was labored, and we were having trouble getting a doctor in our room since they were already on their rounds. I knew that something wasn't right about the way she was breathing. Jason asked me to calm down, we were in the hospital so she will be looked after. I got the head nurse in the room and she got the doctor for me. I don't even remember his name, but he was working with the liver team at the time. I was holding Anna, and he took one look at her and walked out. I thought he was being rude, but he came back with Dr. Emerick, who agreed that they needed someone from the PICU. At this point I was hysterical ( and am now just thinking of the way I felt at the time), and Dr. Emerick (who has the best bedside manner, ever) tried to explain to me that Anna would probably need to be sent down to the PICU for closer observation. I called Jason and told him what was going on. I don't know how he even understood what I was saying. Looking at my yellow baby having trouble breathing with her belly so swollen that her belly button was sticking out the way that a pregnant woman's would, knowing that she needed intensive care, I was very upset. And to make matters worse, as I was talking to Jason on the phone, blood started pouring out of Anna's picc line. At first I had no idea where this blood was coming from. I asked Jason to get here as fast as possible, hung up with him and called the nurse in. I don't remember why her line was bleeding like that. I started to defend myself by telling them that the last person to take care of her line was the staff down in the ER. They weren't trying to blame me, but at that the time I was wanting to point blame at someone. The nurse fixed the problem (I still have no idea what went wrong with that) and the PICU team came up to get Anna.

I followed Anna in her bed, behind the staff, feeling like a lost puppy. I was covered in blood. They were still trying to get me some scrubs. They were working fast with Anna once we made it to her room, and I couldn't see past them. I was still waiting outside of the room. Jason arrived. He left work after we hung up earlier, right away. I don't know what he did with Mary, but she wasn't there and I was glad because she would have freaked out. Jason looked at me with horror. Like, why are we here? What is going on? Why are you covered in blood? Soon after Jason arrived, they came out of the room and explained to us that Anna needed help breathing, and they needed to intubate her. We couldn't believe this was happening now. Of course we signed the consent. We were kicked out during the intubation, into the waiting area. They finally got scrubs for me, so I went in the bathroom to change. I just threw my blood stained clothes is the garbage. When we were called back into the room everything was done. Anna was laying peacefully in her bed, we met her nurse who explained some things to us like how Anna had to be sedated, and the many pumps and lines. I can't begin to explain how this felt. Everything happened so fast, we had so many questions and we had so much thrown at us all at once. There we were, sitting in the PICU, looking at each other in disbelief.

Jason had some pictures of Anna with him that our home health nurse had with her that morning. That's when I remembered, that I hadn't remembered she was coming that day. She had pictures of Anna, and she gave them to Jason as he was just leaving to go to work. I hung the pictures of Anna up on her bed. I remember showing the nurse the pictures so that she knew what Anna looked like without the tube down her throat, and taped to her mouth.

I honestly don't remember that whole rest of the day. I know we had many discussions with doctors, and nurses and a social workers. Jason left to go home later that night to get me some stuff from home, and I went to his parents house to sleep. It was nice that they lived close to the hospital so that I didn't have to worry about the morning traffic from the suburbs, and didn't have to sleep in the waiting room, or stay up all night in the PICU. Jason got back to his parents house very late.
[Wait, now I remember, Jason's dad dropped Jason's mom off at my house to take care of Mary while Jason was at work.]
It was very late at that point, and I couldn't sleep. I was up in the living room "watching" TV. He came back with a pair of cell phones. He thought now, at this point, we would need them. He was right. I needed to be able to reach him in case anything more drastic were to happen with Anna's condition, and if I weren't there, and the doctors needed to call me.

We got to the hospital very early the next morning. I thought we walked into the wrong room. Anna was very swollen. All over the place. This scarred the crap out of us. We had no idea why, or what was going on there. It had something to do with the sedation medication it think. I was crying, she didn't look like the same baby. Not our baby. We talked to the doctors at rounds that morning, and mentioned something about putting Anna on the transplant list. I don't remember if they were asking our permission, or if they had already done it. Later that day we were told she was on the list, but not status 1 because of her unstable condition. Maybe it was that she was on the inactive list. [I have forgotten a lot of this stuff so forgive me for all of my "I can't remember" stuff] Then someone said something about maybe considering looking into living donor transplantation.

I remember when we were first told that they had a good living donation program. It was way before all of this. Maybe after her Kasai? I remember thinking that there was no way I would want to be tested first. I hoped that they would ask Jason to be tested, and that he would be a perfect match. I am embarrassed about thinking that now, but it's the truth. I hoped that it wouldn't be me.

As soon as I heard them mention that now, after Anna being in the PICU for only 1 day, I had this feeling come over me. I knew it would be me, I was ready and very willing. I was at peace with it, I didn't like to see my baby in this condition. I was ready to do whatever it would take to make her better. I knew my blood type, and I asked the nurse what Anna's was. The same. That was it, It would be me. I just knew it!


Of course, it wasn't that easy, but it gave us hope. Anna was in no condition for a transplant right then. Things needed to be set up between Children's and Northwestern (they don't do living donation in Chicago at the same hospitals) We learned that Anna was septic, the cholangitis infection had spread through her blood stream. We had to put this wild fire out, with a huge hose.



Next week: The month leading up to Anna's transplant. I hope to have her transplant story up by her 4 year anniversary. March 6th.



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Friday, February 24, 2006

I know, it's been too long!

Geez, I can't believe that I have gone this long without updating! Things have been pretty crazy around here. All three of my girls have been rotating sickness. It started a few weeks ago with Anna having bronchitis, and Alexandria having fevers to be later diagnosed with an ear infection. Anna sounded as if she was going to cough up a lung, and Alexandria was understandably crabby. I had a lot of sleepless nights since then, but things a starting to calm down.

Jason started a new job last week also. He finally got fed up with his previous job. He wasn't going to quit before he found a new job, but with what happened the day he put in his 2 weeks notice, I was right there a long with him.

One week after I took the girls to the pediatrician Alex was up all night coughing. She probably caught what Anna had. When we woke up the morning (Valentines day come to think of it) after my very restless night with Alex, she spiked a fever of 102. She didn't look well, tired of course because she was up all night coughing. Still, you could tell in her eyes that she wasn't well. Her chest was rattling, and she was coughing up a lot of stuff, very clingy to me, I couldn't put her down for a second. Before I got Mary to school, I told Jason what was going on with Alex and we both agreed that I needed to bring her in ASAP. Jason was supposed to go to work, and Mary still had to get to school, Anna had her ballet class and school to go to also that day. Jason decided that he had better call into work so that he could take care of the other girls while I took Alex in.

He called in 2 hours before he was supposed to be there. They gave him shit about it. Jason works in sales, and he was supposed to be at the store that he managed by himself that day. They said they didn't have anyone to cover for him, so he had to come in. I didn't know how long I would be at the hospital for (my pediatrician wasn't in that day, so I had to take her to the ER) They questioned him, like he was lying about his daughter being sick! Unbelievable! He ended up going in, I put off taking Alexandria to the doctor until the girls were done with what they had to do that day. I couldn't keep Anna out of ballet, she already had missed three classes because of being sick. Also with it being valentines day, and Anna working so hard to write her name on 18 valentines cards for her classmates, I couldn't keep her out of school either. She only goes for two days a week, and loves every minute of it. I brought Alexandria to grandmas, were she slept for 3 hours, so that was good and I didn't have to drag her around all day. The snap she took was good for her, she woke up feeling a Little better and drank a whole 8 oz bottle.

During all of this, Jason had some serious conversations with his boss at work. His boss said that if it were his daughter, and it was emergent, he wouldn't have gone to work or waited around for someone to give him an OK. So, he tells Jason that he had to come in, then asks him why he bothered?! He was still questioning Jason. That's when Jason turned in his two week notice. Mind you, Jason hasn't been in a good position, or on good terms with his boss there for a while now to begin with. This put him over the edge. What, you can't have a family when you work for this place?

I was worried because if he didn't get a job in those two weeks it was going to hurt us financially. It ended up that called an old boss that he worked for when everything went down with Anna, and they welcomed him back right away. Jason started that job the day after he put in his notice. It's not a job that he wanted, but it's better than the one he just left (money wise) and it will have to do for a while. This is where Jason worked when Anna was sick, and they were very good, great even, about the time that Jason needed off.

So, that day when I finally got Alexandria to the doctor ( I ended up taking her to an immediate care center). They took a chest x-ray and that came out clear. That surprised me because of the way she was breathing. When the doctor looked in her throat, it made her gag, and she coughed up a nice big wad of mucus. After that she sounded so much better. She did have bronchitis, a sinus infection, and an infection in the ear that wasn't infected when we took her in the week before. He said that the ear looked like it was about to perforate. Yikes, no wonder she felt the way she did. Poor baby. He put her on more antibiotics, and gave us Albuterol inhaler. She had a better nights sleep that night, but woke up with a diaper blow out. Being on two antibiotics at once, along with a decongestant and Tylenol for her fever, she had stomach upset. So, the next five days we were dealing with that. Then Mary cough the cough, along with a fever. Then Anna started to have unexplained fevers for four days in a row.

Anyway, like I said it has been crazy here for they are progressively feeling better now. Thank God I never got anything, it was hard enough trying to take care of three girls simultaneously and sometimes all at once. I feel like we have been in the doctors office more than home. Now, I have spent the past few days disinfecting my house. Hopefully we're done with all of this.

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We are coming up on Anna's 4 year transplant anniversary soon! I can't believe four years have gone by already. Anna continues to amaze us everyday. I'm not sure how we will celebrate. I think we'll let Anna pick a restaurant to eat at. She has been asking for Rollerblades, so I think we'll just might have to buy some for her! Along with elbow pads, knee pads, and a helmet of course. I want to give her the world, but I think roller blades will have to do for now. Lately she has been asking to go back to Disney World, and has asked me, "wouldn't it be cool to live at Disney world!" I tried telling her that if we lived there, it wouldn't be as exciting anymore. Yeah right, try telling that to a four year old. Then she told me that maybe Alexandria will be special like her, and be able to make a wish, and she would wish for Disney World too, because she (Anna) would tell her how much fun it was. We had a long conversation about that too.

We'll be going to Children's for transplant clinic, blood work, and her yearly ultrasound. If everything look good we will be going for yearly visits then, but of course still go every three months for blood work. I would also like to talk to them about her immune suppresant weaning and how they feel about how that is going. Obviously, I now it's going good so far, so I wonder if they might wean her down a little more that day! Maybe, Maybe!!!!

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Last matter of business: Anna's friend Annika.

I have written about Annika in many of my posts, but for those of you who don't know her story I will write a brief summary (or get her full story her). Annika is also a liver patient at Children's memorial hospital. She is a year older than Anna, and has already had two Liver Transplants. She has had many complications post transplant including major bleeds. She has spent this past thanksgiving and Christmas in the hospital (in the PICU on Christmas day, unconscious) Only just recently she was able to go home, but the doctors have warned her parents that this will only be short lived. She is in need of another transplant, and to make matters worse her insurance company has cut her off for the year, and it is only February! They are having to fund raise now so that they can pay Annika's many medical bills. If you would like to help by visiting her site here, or Annika's Insurance policy, or her COTA fund it would be more than appreciated. I am going to put up a few buttons to on my page permanently, linked to these sites.

We have met Annika and her family on a few occasions, and I can't say enough great things about them. They don't deserve what they are going through right now.

Here are a couple pictures of Annika and Anna:

September, 2005. Visiting Annika in the hopspital.
IM000330 IM000331

Annika, Mary, and Anna two summers ago at the zoo.
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Monday, February 13, 2006

Monday Memories: Anna and Cholangitis

Did I ever tell you about Anna's first bout of Cholangitis

Continued from 2 weeks ago (sorry for the delay, I had to take care of my sick girls all week):

We were very lucky to be able to have Anna home right before the holidays. We sure had a lot to be thankful for come thanksgiving time. Anna came home a few days before Thanksgiving day. She was doing great. I was already getting used to giving her all of her medications, and she took them all so well! We celebrated Thanksgiving with Jason's parents only that year. I was a little weird about germs, and we have a big family on Jason's side. Lots of Italians equals lots of kisses and baby passing. But it was nice.

Our first checkup went good. Dr. Superina seemed pleased with Anna's progress! For a while after her Kasai she was a peachy color! We continued to go for regular checkups at Children's.

Christmas time came, and Anna continued to do well. We all thought we had the worst behind us, convinced that Anna would be in that small percentage of Children living with BA into their Adult years.

It was probably the week before Christmas when I noticed that Anna was getting her yellow color back. When we went for liver clinic they told us that her bili rubin could go up and down for a while. I was disappointed because she was looking so good for a little while, and I didn't want to ever see that color on her again. But, she was still doing well, her belly wasn't too bloated and she seemed to feel good. It wasn't until after New years that Anna started to act as though she didn't feel well. I would be up with her all night, and she would be crabby throughout the day. I took her to clinic, and they still didn't seem too concerned. At this point we were going for more frequent lab draws. One night I couldn't take it anymore. She was up all night, every night, and she was getting more crabby during the day. It took me until she was inconsolably to take her in again. Not wanting to go by myself with Mary and Anna with the way Anna was acting, I went to pick up my mother in law to come with us. I needed that support. It was later in the evening by the time we got to Children's ER. We got a bed in the ER right away. I was shocked. With this being the first time in the ER at Children's, there were so many people waiting, but we got seen right away. Other people in the waiting area were not happy. I heard them ask why we got seen right away when their child was _____(fill in the blank) [Skipping ahead, this is how it always would be when we go to the ER in Children's and we have gotten many evil looks from parents. I swear, if I ever had to the ER and people got seen before me, or my "not so sick" child I wouldn't blink an eye. There are reasons for this] We were seen again by many doctors again. This was the first time that we would meet Dave. Dave was the new Liver nurse/practitioner working with the liver team. He was kind, and took a liking to Anna right away. Well, who wouldn't. We got an IV, blood work and other stuff done I'm sure. Thinking back now, I was fairly calm. A lot more calm than I was the first time we walked into that hospital. The staff was great with Mary, got her some snacks, and put on a movie for her to watch. When we learned that Anna had to be admitted for a biopsy, Jason came when he got off work to pick up Mary and his mom.

I don't remember how it all went down after that, but the biopsy was probably done the next day, followed by having to wait for the results. It turned out that she had Cholangitis, an infection in the liver. We were told that this is a sign that the Kasai is working. That since there is a way for the bile to come out, that means there is a way for bacteria to come in. But, I wasn't prepared for what we were about to hear. Anna would need a Picc line. This is a more long term line than a regular IV. It could stay in for months. She would go home on antibiotics that I was to administer, for a four week course. I would have to learn how to care for the picc line, and we would need to have a home health care nurse come to clean the picc line area, and draw blood. OMG!!!! Are you kidding me. I'm not a nurse. I didn't think I would have to do all this. I thought that was on all of these people here. But, we wouldn't' want to stay here for four weeks. At first I thought, no way, I couldn't handle that, but after learning some from the nurses about how to be sterile and how to flush the line I became more comfortable. I had to have a positive, I can do this attitude, or I wouldn't be able to do it.

Anna stayed for a week between getting the biopsy done, waiting or the results, and getting the picc line in. When we got home it seemed like we were doing something wrong. I guess it just felt weird to bring your baby home with something still attached? But I was confident. I knew I could do this. We were scheduled to have our first box of all of the medical supplies that we would need, delivered first thing in the morning. Our home health care nurse was to be there early too. They sent us home with enough supplies to last us through the night. I was feeling confident, I knew I could do this. The first antibiotic that I gave to Anna was done soon after we got home. She was on two different strong antibiotics, Gentamicin and Piperacillin. I infused it, by hand and flushed her line like I was supposed to. I don't know what happened, but the next dose, due later that night, wouldn't go through. I was taught to never force it, so we headed to the ER. Not being home for even 4 hours, we was headed back. I went all the way back to Children's because I didn't feel that we would receive the same care at our local emergency room. Since it was practically in the middle of the night, I flew. I was worried because she was supposed to be having that antibiotic right then instead of heading to the hospital. I was so upset with myself. Talk about a confidence buster...Did I flush her line with Saline instead of Heparin? Again, we got a bed right away in the ER, and they were able to flush her line out. They had to work at it, looked like I could have done that at home.... We got back home only an couple hours before our nurse go there, and just in time for our huge package of medicines, and medical supplies. Actually, I think it was two boxes. We also got a pump for one of her medications that took a half hour or so to infuse. Man, I was tired, and talk about overwhelming.

Our lovely nurse came just in time. She gave me some more information on how to care for Anna with her picc line, and answered many questions that we had. It was a tiring schedule of 7 infusions per day, and having to wake up in the middle of the night to administer them. After a few days, it became easier though. Like clock work. We didn't have anymore problems with her line getting clogged. We managed to stay away from the hospital for 3 weeks while she was getting her antibiotics and blood work at home. She never seemed to get better, and it seemed as though her jaundice got worse by the day. I did what I was supposed to do. I used to blame myself, thinking maybe I wasn't sterile enough, or I didn't infuse her antibiotics right.

Anna was admitted to the hospital February 6th for recurring cholangitis, and after only 2 hours on the floor, she was admitted to the PICU for being Septic. More on that next week.



Here is a picture taken by Anna's home health care nurse:
IM000137

Anna sporting her new Mariners jersey sent by Aunt Jessie in Seattle, along with her new picc line.
IM000139

Next week: Anna is admitted to the PICU, and put on the transplant list.

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Monday, February 06, 2006

No Memory

***Update on bottom half***
***Update again on bottom, bottom half***

Ok, sorry guys. I know I was committed to doing Monday Memories every Monday, but I don't have one this week. I had been writing my story little by little during the week, and even having it up by Sunday night, but haven't had that chance this past week. I will try later to maybe have a late Monday, or an early Tuesday memory. Maybe I will skip it all together this week. We'll see how today goes.

For the past few nights I have been up with a sick baby. Alexandria has had a fever on and off for two days. Of course this morning she is great, but I will take her in anyway. It got pretty high so I don't want to take any chances. Also, for a few days Anna has had a cough that is getting worse by the hour. It is starting to affect her sleep now. She woke up last night a few times wanting some cough medicine, and eventually crawled into bed with us last night. I didn't get much sleep, Anna usually takes up the whole bed laying sideways and kicking on us. This morning she isn't able to eat because she is coughing so much. I have been trying to get a hold of our pediatricians office so that I can get both girls in. They don't pick up the phone anymore, they have voice mail now, but if I can't get a hold of them with in the hour, I will call his answering service and have him paged. Wish me luck! I WILL get in.....I promise.

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Updated from this morning

Ok, back from the doctor. I took Anna's temperature, and it came back at 100.5. I know that this is not very high, but it gave me reason for being more concerned than if it were just a cough. So, I had the doctor paged and he got back to me right away. He asked me to bring them in ASAP because he was booked today. I love our doctor, he put us in a room right away so that the kids weren't exposed to the other sick kids in the waiting room. Turns our Alexandria has an ear infection, so that explains the fevers. Anna has Bronchitis. He gave her a nebulizer treatment. Now both of them are on antibiotics.

I am trying to phone the doctor again now because when I got home I researched bronchitis a little more. I know Mary and Anna had it last year, and it lasted a while but I don't remember them having a fever from it. The doctor said it was contagious, so wouldn't that mean that it would be a viral infection? Aren't they not supposed to give antibiotics for a viral infection? Aren't they only given for a Bacterial infection? Bronchitis can be viral or Bacterial, and a bacterial infection isn't contagious...right? Ok, I am a little confused. I know this stuff!!! Why can't I think straight right now?!

Now Anna has a temperature of 101.5! A degree higher than this morning. Hope the doctor calls back soon!

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Updated from yesterday

Everything is fine. I always get a little nervous when Anna has a fever that high. I overreacted. Doctor told me that it could be Bacterial, or Viral. He said better to treat her with antibiotics either way when it is Bronchitis. Antibiotics will treat a Bronchial infection, even if it is viral. I just kept thinking that you don't treat a cold with antibiotics, and that's viral. I guess I needed a refresher course.

He told me to call him in the morning if her fever didn't break, and then he would run further tests such as a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia if she still had a high fever. Before she went to bed her fever went down to 101.3. I thought it should have gone down more after giving her tylenol. I'm such a worry wart. Anna woke up around three in the morning wanting carrots with ranch dressing. Silly girl. She was bright and chipper, way different than yesterday (laying on the couch not eating or drinking) She was back to normal by the time we woke up to get Mary ready for school. No fever. Still coughing a lot, but no fever! Eating fine, drinking fine, being Anna! She was very angry that we kept her home from school and Ballet today though. She told us that she felt all the way better now, and she didn't want to miss what they were doing in school.

Friday, February 03, 2006

I'm getting this

Or am trying to. I came across this the other day. Since I have to renew my license plates this month, I will be getting a brand new set. These plates were thought up in honor of Walter Payton.

To learn more, click on the license plate.
Image hosting by Photobucket

Also, I found this article:

"Payton suffered from a rare liver condition--primary sclerosing cholangitis--but died from bile duct cancer, a side effect of the disease. There is no cure for PSC, but liver transplants often are successful; 75 percent of those with PSC have "a good quality of life after recovery" from a transplant, according to the American Liver Foundation.

Payton, who announced he needed a liver transplant in February, learned he had bile duct cancer in May but chose not to disclose it publicly. While PSC alone can be treated with a liver transplant, bile duct cancer precludes such treatment because the drugs used to help patients adjust to transplants weaken the body's ability to fight cancer. "

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I'm not sure if I can change my plate number, but if I can I might try to get that personalized. (igvelfe) or something like that. I will try to come up with a few options in case that is already taken.

People ask me why I am so into this kind of stuff. Well duh. I know Anna got part of my liver, but still. What if I wasn't able to be her donor? Come on people. Whatever I can do to help promote organ donation awareness, I will do!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Feeling sad......Maybe a little guilty


Thankful Thursday: What Sarah is thankful for this week


First off I want to let you know that this is my first Thankful Thursday. I haven't thought much about blogging lately. I have been busy with the kids as always. Yesterday I was feeling sorry for myself all day. I don't know why, but I have been in this crappy mood that I just can't shake. Jason hasn't been doing great at work, and as he is looking for another job we are getting far behind on a lot of our bills. He is getting discouraged because he has been turned down for a few "good" jobs. I know he feels as if he has let us down, and that is probably my fault that he feels this way. Because I grew up in a big house, I often comment on how I hate that the girls have grown up in an apartment. We have little space. Jason, on the other hand, has never lived in a house, his whole life! Maybe he wants it more than I do. He feels that he has let me down, and let the girls down.

Late last night and this morning I was catching up on some blogs, and fellow Liver friends. I just learned that our local liver friend, Annika is bleeding again. She just got to go back home after being in the hospital since before Thanksgiving. Everything was looking good for her, then all of the sudden she spiked a high temperature and had to be admitted again. Then, another local liver friend, Natalie who is approaching her 1 year transplant anniversary, had to be admitted due to high biliruben. That is a huge red flag for liver/transplant patients. She also had been doing good. Just like that. Prayers for these kids, please. Both of them have had a bumpy road since their transplants.

So, what the heck am I complaining for? I might not have everything that I want, but we are all healthy and we have each other. Anything could happen. Anna has been doing well yes, but anything can happen. Just like that. I hate that I have taken her for granted while I was feeling sorry for myself. How selfish of me. Why am I dwelling on the things we don't have? This is what I am thankful for this Thursday:

Anna's health.

My whole family's health.

Jason.

The sweetest, most beautiful little girls.

A warm house.

Food.

All things that I take for grated.

My life isn't so bad. We go through hard times, but with our love for each other, we get through.



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