 |
I was dazed for the first two days after my surgery. The first thing I remember after waking up was how much pain I was in. I vaguely remember waking up in recovery, and seeing Jason. I don't think I really knew what was going on, or if I asked about Anna at all. The first time I really woke up, and was aware of what was going on I felt the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. Maybe even if you put together all the pain I have ever had my entire life all together it might add up to what I felt. Maybe not. It's hard to explain. Anyway, I was being wheeled up to my room from the recovery room I believe. I woke up moaning and groaning, and was heaving. I didn't have anything to throw up, but if I did it would have all come up then. Can you imagine? Do you know how many abdominal muscles you use when you throw up? It was terrible, I thought my incision was going to bust! So, then I hear someone say "maybe we need to turn on the epidural" Well, yeah! What are they waiting for? I thought they were going to turn it on before I woke up, so that I didn't feel this intense pain! The rest of the day of, was a blur. I remember getting a phone call from Jason, telling me that Anna's surgery was over and she was doing well! He came to me after seeing Anna in recovery. He looked so relieved, and tired. How hard that must have been on him to have the both of us in surgery, and waiting all that time. He called me his hero. The second day I was there, they made me get out of bed. I was so angry with them. How on earth did they expect me to get out of bed after such an operation? They pulled my epidural early that morning so that I could walk. I had to walk the halls for a little while. The first time took me forever to just stand up. There was a lot of crying involved. [Let me just say that I never, ever, regretted doing this, even in so much pain, but it doesn't change the fact that I was in a whole lot of pain.] I felt ok enough to talk on the phone, although a little loopy, I could carry on a conversation I called Anna's nurses a lot, and talked to her doctors. That afternoon Jason came to see me. He had spent all that time with Anna (as it should be). He let me in on a little good news, Anna was already extabated not even a full 24 hours after her transplant! She was doing very well, no complications, but was resting and on some strong pain medications. Jason stayed with me for a while, but I was in and out of it. I didn't like what pain medication they had me on, I didn't like feeling so out of it, but didn't like being in pain either. Jason went to the cafeteria that evening, and brought back up a visitor that he ran into there. Her name was Becky Wilczak. I knew her from high school, a friend of a friend. Hadn't talked to her since high school. She had been in the 2002 winter Olympics, and I remember being in the PICU with Anna, watching about her and her dad on the news. About how her dad needed a liver transplant, but snook to Italy to see Becky in the Olympics, when he was supposed to be at home awaiting his new liver. I knew that she luged, but was still shocked to see that she was in the Olympics. When Jason came in the room with her, I was surprised, to say the least. Jason only had met her one time, but recognized her from watching the news. I guess her dad had received his transplant earlier that week. She didn't even know that I had kids, and it just blew her mind, the reason I was there. I was still in a daze, probably made no sense to her whatsoever, but I'm sure she understood. That was really cool. Anyway, on the third day I was sick of it all. No more fancy pain meds for me. I decided on taking only an over the counter pain medication, just because I hated feeling out of it, slipping in and out, and not knowing exactly what was going on around me. Although, that meant being in a little more pain. That day, they wanted to kick me out of the hospital. Maybe because I was not taking the pain medications, and they thought I was doing well? I'm not sure why, but I was not ready to go. I had some asshole "doctor" trying to tell me that I didn't care to see my daughter when I told him them that I didn't feel ready to leave yet. When he left, and said they were going to write up my discharge papers, I called Jason right away, and he could tell that I was obviously upset. They actually made me feel guilty! I thought maybe it was because of the insurance, or maybe he was just being an asshole. This made Jason really mad! He made some phone calls to Northwestern when we got off the phone. I didn't know he was doing this until after a social worker came in and told me that I could stay for as long as I needed to, and apologized for the way I had been treated. Jason told me later that, to hear me that upset, that someone made me feel the way they did, made him angry. I am not sure who he talked to but this is what he told me he told them. "This person made my wife cry, and that is not acceptable. She just gave part of her liver for her very sick daughter. Nobody made her do it, of course she cares about her. For you to make her feel low right now, when she is in obvious pain, is unacceptable. Plus, she has been on an emotional roller coaster for five months, what do you think this does to her state of mind right now." I know there were more words, that is just a glimpse that Jason has told me. After that though, I didn't want to stay any longer anyway. I left early the next morning, and went straight to see Anna. When I first walked into the PICU, I got a very warm welcome fro the staff. I walked over to see Anna. I could not believe how good she looked! She was smiling, she was peach, she was beautiful!! I couldn't believe her color, she had been yellow for her whole life. She still had a tinge of yellow, but still a drastic difference. She looked happy to see me, and hear my voice. I hated that I had not been there with her this whole time, but I obviously couldn't be. She had Daddy, Grama and Papa, and always her loving nurses. Always someone by her side. She had been in good hands. Before we left to go home later that night, we got word that Anna was being transferred to the 6th floor. Already! I wanted so bad to stay with her that night, but it was too hard. I couldn't lift her at all, or even do things for myself. They told me to go and get rest. They told me all the time to not overdue it, but I didn't listen all that well. I had already stayed that first day longer than I probably should have, I stayed until I couldn't move anymore. Walking up two flights of stairs when I got to Jason's mom's house was horrible. You never know how many abdominal muscles you use until they are cut into. I think we used all the pillows in the entire house to make me comfortable, or as comfortable as I could could get. We went the next day to visit Anna again, and this time I stayed the whole day. It was a bit easier with her being on the floor, and I could finally hold her again. I was amazed at how well she seemed to feel. She would cry if she was moved the wrong way, but when she was still, she was fine. She was eating good, her color was even better than the night before, and she was all smiles. You could tell she felt much better. It felt good that I contributed to that. On the eighth day it was Anna's half birthday, 6 months old! Since I didn't listen when they told me to take it easy, a part of my incision broke open and got infected. I had gone to Northwestern to have my drain pulled, and my incision cleaned out a couple day before this. I got to the point where I couldn't go to visit Anna on her special half birthday, so I stayed home and my neighbor friend watched after me while everyone else went to the hospital to hang out with Anna. Anna's grandparents bought Anna a half cake, and Anna's nurses made her a sign. I was so sad to not be a part of that. I should have listened when they told me to take it easy. But, I have pictures! I guess everyone thought it was a neat idea to celebrate half birthdays!    Links to other Monday Memories (If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it below) Shelli Kimmy Candace Yellow Rose Rowan Libra Girl Mama Kellys Musings |
Click here for Shelli's blog
Trackbacks, pings, and comment links are accepted and encouraged!
View More Monday Memories Participants
